Owning our Shadow and Defining our Own Version of Motherhood
"Who's afraid of a little ole shadow?
Long ago when I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to be a Mom. But I had a concern. And to little me, it seemed like a big one.
When I would ask my Mom a question, she always had an answer. Now this was before Google or the internet was what it is now. (Let’s go Gen Z!) and so my concern as you may have figured was: but how would I ever know enough to be a Mom?
This was the time that little Katie was struggling with some things at school. That required lots of work after school with Mom & Dad and lots of tutoring. My identity (according to everyone else) seemed to be equated to two things: being good-looking and borderline with Learning Disabilities. How could I ever be considered smart enough to be a Mom based on this?
Fast forward some decades later, and there I was, a new Mom. Holding this beautiful little girl in my arms. So happy to be trying to figure out how to Mom with nursing, diapers, movement, and all the other leaps and bounds she would do. But underlining all this happiness was still that worry that I wouldn’t ever know enough.
As she has walked, started talking, and now at 7, asking ALL the questions on everything, I am often finding that shadow of myself, little struggling Katie, bubbling back up. I find myself surprised that I do know many answers to her questions. And when I don’t, I am also just as okay to say, “Wow that’s a great question and I’m not sure of the answer. Let’s look it up together.”
In these experiences, I have realized that this fear is really just my shadow self popping up. If you don’t know, your shadow follows you everywhere you go. It’s not just the physical shadow you see when you’re in light but it’s the side of yourself you don’t want people to see. I think of this as my shadow side of motherhood. This shadow side includes moments of doubt, fear, mistakes, and even feelings of failure.
In Mothers owning their shadow in motherhood it helps to embrace our imperfections and find ease in the unknowns. It's about acknowledging that we are not perfect, and despite trying to do everything, we won’t ever be 100% perfect parents. This acknowledgment can be a powerful tool for personal growth and releasing from that expectation to be “perfect “ and to focus on doing our best every day. It involves recognizing and accepting our weaknesses, our fears, and our mistakes, which are all a part of the motherhood journey. It's about understanding that it's okay to feel overwhelmed at times, to be unsure of our decisions, to feel like we're failing sometimes. This acceptance allows us to learn from these moments, and to grow stronger and more resilient. Or what I like to refer to as our ability to bounce back from difficulties.
Defining our own version of motherhood is another critical step in this journey. This definition rejects societal expectations and pressures that often paint an unrealistic picture of what motherhood should be. It empowers us to decide what kind of mother we want to be, based on our personal values, beliefs, and circumstances. It's about understanding that there's no 'one size fits all' model of motherhood and that what works for one mother might not work for another. This understanding fosters a sense of individualism and self-trust, encouraging us to believe in our own capabilities.
In the end, owning our shadow and defining our own version of motherhood allows us to be more authentic, compassionate, and resilient mothers. It allows us to nurture our children in the best way we know how based on our experiences and knowledge. It creates a space for us to grow and evolve along this beautiful journey of motherhood, transforming not just our lives but also the lives of our children.
Through this process of owning our own shadow and defining our own version of motherhood, we become more than just mothers. We become educators, nurturers, role models, and pillars of strength for our children, shaping the future most profoundly.
Action Questions:
Were there things you were afraid of before becoming a mother? Have you been able to embrace those feelings or felt them to not be an issue after your kiddo was born?
Do you feel safe in owning your shadow? Do you see it come into play in your role as a mother?
Give yourself and your shadow a big hug. You are on such a beautiful journey together.
Welcome to my little corner of the interweb, and if we haven’t met just yet, hello! My name is Katie Buckman - Mom, Photographer, lover of flowers and toes in the grass, and a supporter of other Mama’s as we work through our Mama wounds of those before us and navigate what this all means to us now. If you like my vibe, here is where you can find me:
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